He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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