he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
