Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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