my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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