There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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