I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
