Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
