dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
