if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
