Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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