i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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