Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone came in the potted fern
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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