I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
