I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize