im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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