we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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