Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize