Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
