It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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