First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
