I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
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I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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