my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
