there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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