He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize