I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
