I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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