Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
