He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am one with the molecules
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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