Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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