who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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