Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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