theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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