I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
