I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize