I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize