Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
NoShamevember. You game?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
