A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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