I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
