Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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