Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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