they need to just BURY HIM!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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