My nipple is on Facebook.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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