oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
