I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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