I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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