She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
