just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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