While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize