I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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