if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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