the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
