I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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