I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
