Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need water and some morals
Randomize
