the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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