The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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