Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
