What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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