i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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