so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
