ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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