i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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