I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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