OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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